Winning trust takes time and dedication, losing it often only takes the wrong choice. Trust is the heart of any relationship and the glue that holds people together. Trust is the reason you fall asleep peacefully next to your partner at night. It is the reason a smile plays around the corners of your mouth when you hear the sound of a new message from your loved one.
The loss of trust, on the other hand, is disastrous. Thoughts of suspicion you just can’t get rid of. The recurring ghost of “what if it is true” is the insecurity in your body that makes you feel sick and keeps you awake at night. The questions tumble over each other: “Am I good enough? Was everything for nothing? Was it my fault? And what will people think?”
But there is hope! Any relationship that’s had to deal with a breach of trust can be saved. Lost trust has to do with a damaged part of the relationship. Are you willing to invest time in repairing that part? Then look for where you can pick up the thread.
When trust is lost, there is usually confusion. And although the emotions are running high, it may be necessary to get to the bottom of it. What was the reason things went wrong. Have you overlooked certain signals? Talk to your partner and find out what and why. Of course, you are going to get angry, but if you want to restore trust, you will have to listen. In the end, the breach of trust was the result, not the cause. Often it lies in feelings of pain, loneliness or undervaluation. An honest conversation is a first step to a solution, no matter who is the cause of the feelings.
The second step is the commitment to improving the relationship. When the emotions calm down a little, you can determine how much value the relationship has for both of you. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I still want to dedicate myself to him/her, no matter what happened? Do I still love him or her? Am I able to overcome this crisis? If your answer is “yes” to every question, you can face the long road ahead, positively. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, so go for it!
Because the road is still long, professional therapy can be a help. With a therapist as the third person in the conversation, you may be able to get more discussed and probably discuss more meaningful things. A professional can often feel good where even undescribed causes lie.
Clarity and conversation bring you to the point of forgiveness. You have worked hard for your relationship, but your bond is still fragile. Forgiveness is needed to expose the fear and feelings of revenge that still lie beneath the surface. Forgiveness from both sides. Forgiveness from the one who did evil, but the one who went wrong will also have to forgive themselves. Although it is not easy, forgiveness is the key to saving the relationship.
Finally, it takes time. Just as bodily wounds need time to heal without being picked up every day, so does the heart, it needs time to heal without repeating what happened every day. Usually, it takes one and a half to three years before there is real stability again. If you go for recovery in your relationship, then patience is a crucial factor!
